How I spend my days matters. Because Years are made by moments. And I not very good at managing my time. Sure I can keep all my humans fed and clothed. And my house, is generally clean. In that well lived in kind of way.
My mind knows that I should be productive. But my weary mind can’t focus long enough to plan it out. And I certainly wouldn’t hire myself a life coach or a home organizer. Maybe a cleaning service if my budget had room…but it doesn’t. So my baseboards are dirty, because I don’t wipe them down. And I’ve never taken the time and effort to train my children how to do that stuff.
Tonight I asked my 5 year old son to wipe down the table. He said, “I would do anything for you, Mommy! You just ask me, and I will do it. “. And then proceeded to not only wipe down the table, but wipe all the leftover rice spilled on the table into his hand and throw it away. Without any reminder to do it. I think my husband has been secretly training them on nights I worked. (Full disclosure: that has never happened. Ever. I am flabbergasted. Amazed. In awe. And I praised him for that good attitude and his kindness toward me).
Because my natural bend is to take on the work myself. I know I’ll get it done well. So I just do it all. But this is an area that God keeps poking at. Nudging me. Asking, “Are you ready to take this one on yet?” Because keeping my house tidy is noble and good. But at the cost of the time it takes me? There are so many things I enjoy, that I have just started allowing myself to rediscover (because 5 babies, woo!) now that I am starting to catch my breath. But to allow that margin in my life means that I need to set aside other things to create space.
And it is not just my self-care and self-interests that would benefit. My workload would lessen. Hallelujah!! Well, at least once I’ve invested the time to teach them. And they would gain more of me. Which is something they need. Something I need. Because I’m not very attentive when my list is endless. And it’s always endless, because I make work for myself, instead of choosing to be satisfied.
So I’ve challenged myself. To step into this. To let the poking turn in to pruning. To let the Lord lead me in how to step back. It’s not the first time a bum knee has caused me to stop and really see the Lord working in my life (Last time it led to me meeting my husband…but that’s another story for another time). It’s not the first time I have been physically slowed so I can spiritual slow and lean in to what the Lord is guiding me to.