One more trip around the mountain

The official word is in…my ACL is torn.  For the third time.

Two weeks ago I played tag with my kids.  I stopped suddenly to change directions and felt it.  The same pain.  That intense feeling of your ligaments being shredded.  By some miracle, I didn’t scream, or punch anything (as is my go to when trying not to scream).  I stayed calm, told my kids that mommy had hurt her knee and couldn’t play anymore.  And it wasn’t until I got back to the car and my husband came out of his appointment that I cried.  I cried, knowing completely that my knee was torn.  Knowing exactly what was coming.

I had an MRI earlier this week and I cheated.  I looked over my images before I went in to the office.  See the image on the left…that’s just for reference.  Where an ACL should be

See the one on the right…that’s my knee.  It wasn’t hard for me to see that the thing is torn.  I went in to my appointment today knowing what was coming.  My surgery is scheduled just one week away.  And tonight, even though I know what is coming, I still want to collapse in my husbands arms and cry.  But he is still in San Antonio.

Which leaves me here, with my cup  of tea, and my floors that I am refusing to sweep, even though they are driving me insane, because I know he would tell me I need to rest.  And I need to rest, there is no argument there.  Here alone with my kids all asleep.  With the wind whipping violently outside the office window.  Pondering, wondering.  What is it you want me to learn from this Lord?

See this isn’t the first time this has happened.  And both other times it led to significant changes in my life.  Like dropping out of college and getting married.  Or my husband joining the army (after we had been married several years and had 2 kids) and being gone for 5 months.  I truly believe that there is purpose to be found somewhere in life’s pains.  I don’t think there is always sense.  In fact I think it is the work of a very real enemy who wants us to loose heart and loose hope.  But I know, without a doubt, that God makes beauty from ashes.  That he brings triumph from pain.  nd I also know that He loves us waaaay too much to leave us unchanged. So I’m praying that I would gather all I need to through this trial.  That I would treasure every truth He reveals to me and make every change He asks.  Because I really don’t want to take another lap around this mountain again.  Three times is enough!

4 thoughts on “One more trip around the mountain

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