I found myself sitting on the floor of the laundry room, weeping. Door closed, but not locked, because I wanted someone to come check on me…eventually. The emotion had been building all morning (it was only 930) and I knew a breakdown was coming, but as I sat there crying, I realized there was a much deeper thing happening. This wasn’t just about this morning. It was about my perspective.
See I have this habit of viewing everything through the lens of my own inadequacy. I’m not a very good housekeeper. I love my husband, and he would say I’m a great wife, but I generally suck at communication (which is how I can end up on the floor of the laundry room staring at the poop the cat didn’t quite make into the litter box). I love my kids and take good care of them, but I wouldn’t say that I am a “fun mom” on most days.
Brings you down real quick when that’s the way you look at life. And I have been striving to see more good in my days. But this morning as I wept, second cup of coffee in hand because my 2 yo filled the first one with Kleenex before I even had a sip, the Holy Spirit reminded me of the most incredible truth. One that I feel foolish for missing (see that lens). Are you ready for this…
That lens I look through, it’s not bad in and of itself. The problem arises when I stop there. My weaknesses, my inadequacies, even my failures, are all supposed to remind me of God’s greatness in my life. His provision where I am not enough. His strength when I am weak. How He sees all the cracks and fissures and fills them.
I am not supposed to be really awesome at everything…or possibly, anything. But I can do the best job I can. And I can let God fill in the rest. And maybe those cracks, when I accept my weakness and God’s strength, allow his goodness to flow through my broken life to touch someone else’s life.
Don’t worry, I made it off that laundry room floor and limped my way through life today. And I’m sure I’ll do it again tomorrow, but I’ll put on a new pair of glasses. One that sees His goodness in my weakness.