What if…?

Sitting and waiting on the Lord to show up and do something amazing is always one of my favorite, most uncomfortable seasons with the Lord.  Each time, the stakes are higher.  Each time the stresses feel heavier.  The consequences…worse, somehow.  But none of that can at all change who God is.  Nothing can shake his faithfulness.  Nothing can rival his power.

I could honestly tell you that I feel like the last several years have been an unending Merry-Go-Round.  That we keep going around and around, but the scenery keeps changing, so I must not be stuck on repeat.  Maybe my whole life has been this rinse-repeat process of growing in trust, but I only happened to be paying attention to what the Lord was saying for the past couple years.  Let me give you a few examples…we moved from NY to Texas about 3 years ago to move into a house we had never stepped foot into.  Trust.  Or when we moved across Houston, and we had 1 week to find a house to live in, and get moved because our renters wanted to move in immediately.  Trust.

Or right now, this moment, this season.  This one of waiting to see how the Lord will provide.  Another season where the numbers don’t add up, but I know the faithfulness of my God.  Another moment where He asks us to give generously, even though it obliterates our safety net.  Where He reminds me that He is my safety net.

For me, the worst part of it all, is that I am daily having to kill my flesh and remind my spirit that God is faithful.  Because each morning I wake up and the reality of my pressures are in my face.  And I know that I can solve them all.  If I’m clever and creative enough.  If I push hard enough.  I know that I can figure out the solution…on my own.  But the Holy Spirit is so faithful to remind me that He doesn’t want me to just come up with some solution…He wants to do something amazing that makes my jaw drop.  He wants me to dream with Him.

When I let myself start to dream I always land on the same questions: What if all the plans and dreams were leading up to this?  What if all the uncertainties were a set up?  And what if the answer is better than anything I could ever imagine?   And what if it isn’t?

I think that last question, what if it isn’t, is the one that keeps me in fear.  It doesn’t paralyze me…quite the opposite.  It is my motivator to solve all the problems and come up with whatever solution. There is still some part of me that doesn’t fully trust the Lord.  So we take another lap around the mountain of learning to trust. I know that God is faithful and will see us through to something amazing.  And I know it may not look anything like what I expect.  But I know that He is good, regardless.  So this time when I caught myself trying to work it out on my own I stopped.  I prayed for faith.  And for discipline…who does that?  It’s got to be a worse idea that praying for patience.  And I’ve got so much expectancy for what is coming and how God will be glorified through this season.  Waiting to see how he blows my mind.

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