The day. The day was bad. I can’t place what it was that set the mood, but I didn’t enjoy myself. I was anxious, worried. I was tired. Night after night of sleeplessness mixed with loooong summer days, a large to-do list and kids bouncing off the walls. It was just too much for me. I felt all tied up in knots, weighed down and generally yucky.
The breakdown. It came. But slowly this time, and not alone. By the time my husband made it home I was a shell of myself, and he listened as my walls broke down and my tears flowed and the irrational thoughts that I had been thinking were revealed. See I like to keep all those yucky, anxious feelings to myself. I don’t much care for letting people see my insides. It usually comes bursting out in a pile of tears on my laundry room floor (or on really bad days the shower floor), because I don’t like anyone to see. This time, though, I had a kind ear listening and reassuring me.
The resting that followed brought peace to my soul. Nothing was better. My thoughts and worries were still there, but the burden was shared and out and it always feels better once it’s out. So I finished my evening in my favorite place. Listening to the cicada songs. Watching the dragonflies dance and the sun sink behind the clouds in a beautiful array.
And as I sat on my porch, the whole outside world changed the tone of the evening song at the same time. The bugs changed keys. The traffic slowed. The A/C clicked off and the wind picked up just enough to make my chimes start to sing.and in that moment, God spoke so gently to me. It was a reminder to me of His new mercies. Available, always.
Growing up in the church, I’ve heard the verse over and over. Mercies new every morning. And it is something I am so grateful for. That big reset that happens at night, on my pillow, unconscious of the moment. Sometimes I don’t let myself recognize the fresh start, and I carry the baggage from the day before right into another day. And it’s no fun. But every so often, the reset gets pushed while I’m still awake to enjoy it.
I heard the Lord, in that sweet song change, invite me to push the reset anytime I need it. To allow a moment in the middle of my mess where the atmosphere shifts and everything is made new and I get to begin again. A moment where I let my spirit be renewed in the Lord and let His joy be my strength. Because His mercy isn’t just new in the morning. It’s new every moment that we need it. Available, always.