We were met this week with bad news from a couple different fronts, and it just felt like the ground crumbling again. Ends weren’t meeting, but unexpected expenses popped up, ones that couldn’t be ignored or postponed. It felt like a sucker punch to the gut. Truthfully, it left me doubled over in confusion and doubt. Tired, worn down, weary, and questioning if there would ever be any relief.
At some point in the evening I reached a place where I decided that instead of spinning my wheels trying to come up with a solution that doesn’t exist , I would trust the promises spoken to me. I cried, and complained to the Lord. I let Him know that I saw no way out and that He had to show up or we were sunk. I spoke of His faithfulness and how he hasn’t failed us yet. Although sometimes it looked like He was cutting things awfully close, looking backwards from the other side, I can see that it was always just in time.
So I went to bed in peace. No closer to a solution. No clue how we would see this one through. The morning came and I woke up, weary, bone-tired, wishing the day were over. But something miraculous happened, I got up, showed up, and did my best. It wasn’t much…truly, I hardly did anything. The miracle wasn’t in my work, if was in my willingness. And I worshipped, in spite of the circumstance, trusting the one who is light in the dark places. As the morning progressed we heard back from both bad news fronts that the original problems were much smaller than expected and that instead of costing $1000, we would only have to spend $100. Another miracle, surrounded by the mundane beauty of life. And I worshipped, because although struggle of our circumstances has not improved, God reminded me that He’s got it all under control.
When you’ve lived in a season of hard for a long time, a season that feels endless, where each step forward is met with crumbling ground, and each inch gained is met with forceful resistance, it is easy to let weariness become your baseline. But weariness was never meant to be our normal. We were created to have joy in the midst of all the terrible happenings, peace when chaos reigns supreme, and confidence in the one who writes the story. So I worship, when all hope seems lost, because even in the darkest storms, the lightning can flash and light the whole world up like day.